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The fire in you

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The fire in you, let it burn you first

let the desert of heart crave for the thirst

The fire in you, let it finish it all

The rooms, the memories and the walls

So you will be able to build the brand new

Walls and learn the best life’s view

The fire in you, let it be

Let it burns you, let it ends

and let it begins you

let it be wild and let it be free

 

 

 

 

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For day when she became an Engima to me !!!

The shadow in that wall wears my physical outlines against the sun that day. The image a light can create is the perfect resemble i can picture myself. Is it all ? Is it all ??? No! May be yes could be something like mid_life crisis or just some amuture thoughts on self .

What a great failure it is to have brain inside your body and not being able  to wire it up properly or keep it organized.why does every now and then there has to be short circuit in and out ! 

Enigma: not a theory and not a concept Something difficult to understand and something difficult to relate. For the day when she became an enigma to me …

Keep me wondering that how can a body or vessel you live in can make you feel so not you. The feelings that flows in and out of you is not yours. And the person you wanna be is someone in the crowd  of the world but not you. How do you accept the fact that the languages you speak is taken, the style is imitate taken,the designs you can ever come upon is origined by someone else, the people you meet, the idea you share, the make up you put to look little better, the clothes you were, even the emotions you live through has named on it by someone else and you are whole in the world and is influcend by the world around you,how can one can say that he/she understands you when they barely know the next thought in their head and its origin or motives ?

Why an enigma ? Because no matter what you find,own,share, learn, feel or define none of them is yours and funny that none of them are mine yet the pieces are all yours and  yet mine as well mine combined or shattered and the whole combination of one’s soul, body and  mind are  metaciously enigamatic to me. I know where to find all the pieces but i barely know the perfect combination !

7- Days “Love story”

 

Day 1: It was the regular day rolling that she thought to skip her work for little coffee break and as soon as she gets there her friend and another familiar unknown face was sitting next to him. She have heard of this familiar unknown a lot but it was the first day when she really see the unfamiliar face turning into a familiar one. It was something in between the Stanger and someone you long way once knew. They had normal talk. Wish each other goodbye to one another the other day

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Day 2: This time the faces had been much more familiar, this time the scent of his perfume introduced him before his voice and this time it felt more like some old fiends met after a decade or so. Had the nonsense funny conversations, the eye contacts get little more than the first time and then the story begin

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Day: 3 she waited her phone to pop up as the clock ticking wanted it to be the text as always; HERE, the smell got more and more familiar and the stare get more intense and then one day desire to spend little more time than it was supposed to be. laughing togther and singing along and in a blink the day is spent

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Day: 4 and then she knew about family, knew about friends and knew about the oldest wound that was still as new as it could be on the fragile words of any friend who could barely understand. Knew the honesty and knew the lies that his voice tends to say but eyes denies

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Day: 5   this time a new place made a call to each other and randomly planned to see one another for a while and grab some coffee and leave a good bye in tone to see each other as soon as it can be they met after a while as if there was new territory wanting to explore by them. The unknown streets and conversation on each step, Talks about dreams which were still on and dreams that were dead by now. The pure vulnerability was shared perfectly

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Day 6: Another day same place same people and same heart burning in fire unknowning for one and another on sake of coffee and regular conversation but this time, the  eyes were sparked and were talking louder than their words but the day were coming to end .

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Day7: He was leaving tomorrow morning and all she could do that day was waiting for him to show up restlessly, wait too bad that it started hurting her. He finally showed up but as soon as he came he said that he has to leave early and respecting his urgency she agreed. They start their last conversation and as time was fleeting the heat of the moment was burning them. That he realized that it already late at night and he have to reach his home or packing up but funny it wasn’t only her but him skip the life a little for just a while but time was running when the heart wanted have walk so does the universe may be .both said good bye for the last time but this time he pulled her close and hugged her tight and whispered I don’t want to leave you, I don’t want to go home

She smiled but close to tears and said to herself “Me too”,

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few minutes more and both will be done they said .He left to his home and she left too hers but something stayed may be more than it was supposed to be. She came to me a year ago running in tears and said I think I’m in love with him! Who?, “ HIM” !!!!

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Strange she was not in high school by the time it happened was on her 20’s when she for the first time encounters this feeling for anyone in her life. He was just a new friend. they hardly share enough time of life together , hardly knows each other basic interests, likes dislikes or anything expect their names and little of this and that But isn’t it funny how less amount of time can be so strong enough  make a person go crazy and jump-in-fire for one another ? And sometimes even a year or life time with someone don’t seem to be enough!  Well both of them are strangers now; my friend has her loving boyfriend and him who she used to adore so much, aches her now whenever he comes around. He is happy she said and she is happy to see that! Both choose not to come one another’s way anymore ! Is this what people say strangers with memories ? but she loved him its her eyes that never lied to me, it was his t-shirt she didnt wash for days and week because it smelled like him !

it was his calls once a month or twice that used to made her whole day , used to make her happy!

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made me wonder whats sorta feeling is this ? and why or what complicate them to never  accept it ?

ONE DAY WHILE CLEANING MY ROOM

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Basically i am very unorganized person with messy hair, messy clothes, messy tables, messy room and with messy emotions and the only day i make my rooms or my surrounding is weekend, the only day in a week and the only thing  on my to-do list is to de cult my room, desk, cupboards and everything possible that is around.

Recently I was cleaning my room and throwing away so many old papers, collecting old clothes to give away that I don’t wear anymore and so on that at one point I realize one very popular stress relief line from an article I once read where it is was written that cleaning and removing the room or surrounding provides a positive changes in emotion and that was indeed the same case in my cleaning session as well, I felt pretty organized and light hearted  that the very next moment hit me with a thought only if emotions and life had labels on it to be able to define them easily and later to make a rational thought regarding you want to keep them or not or else tall if not required

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Or emotions and feeling  only had some sort of images, size or shape or anything as similar to an object sort of thing so that on the basis of its size or shape or image we all would  simply organized  to as per it requires not less nor too much, just perfect. May be  only then we would make little less mistakes, little less regrets and little less of heart  breaks in our lifea and give away our few emotions and feeling to those who really want to have these but can’t

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The thought was running quite well that another  thought, popped out saying it loud that ….stupid you wouldn’t be human if emotions and feelings were also manual instead its automatic version. You would simply be another model of manual machine or robot. Feeling and emotions are better the way they are as sometime too much to someone or you or less, they are just perfect without any perfections. You are you because of your own choices, own combinations of less and more of these !

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And Then She Gave Up !!!

I still remember one day we were sitting by the window at coffee shop near my house. There was this girl i knew and was always fascinated by her. She had short hair, eyes full of fire, and the voice loud enough to drag everyone’s attention but keep them listening too. She was confident, smart don’t care about the world and people kind of girl with classy dress up tattoos and scars on her left side arm from the battle of her struggled hours and days of her life and every time i asked her if she think i might understand her pain, she used to say she was in Africa for few years and it’s a tradition out there to have some tattoos and she just messed a bit!!! Her eyes never laid that great as her deceiving expressions but that smile, but that smile damn!!! And the vibes that she entered to any room never fail to make anyone feel like they are home or that you are with someone you knew for long time. I never told her how proud, grateful and happy I was to meet someone like her that last week I came to know she is no more that She no more is. It was a suicide, they found her body hanging in her room and i am her who cannot even guess that how on this earth a person can be so great at disguise of its own unfathomed pain! How can someone be so courageous to hang themself when under the same roof to the very next door where her mother was watching TV? How can anybody ever? When normal being get so terrified if any bruise show up on their skin, how can life be so cruel to someone that he/she pushes herself/ himself to the point where breath don’t make any sense?